Gay Friends

I've been lucky enough to have gay friends in my life.  Homosexuality is a complex social issue and being straight I've had my own problems with understanding just how I feel about gays and gay rights.  Admittedly,  I'm sure to continue to struggle with my understanding of gay rights however; last night was a real awakening for me. Several of us were gathered together for an evening of drinks and food.  We were at a local pub where several folks were eating, drinking, and watching the University of Oregon play football while others of us were lamenting the early closure of the Run to the Cascades motorcycle rally.  The evening included three straight couples and a gay gentleman.  With the exception of one, all of us were 50 years of age or older.  One couple have known the gay gentleman for a long time.  In fact, they've known him before he came out of the closet.  Think about "come out of the closet" for a moment.  What sort of cultural astigmatism would lead to the creation of such vernacular?

My wife and I have known this gay man for several years.  Who he is now, is all we've known.  It is very important that you make a philosophical distinction in how we've known him.  We know "him"; not the "gay" him.  His being gay has little if anything to do with who he is.  He is a loving, witty, incredibly devoted friend who would help us no matter the cause.  True friends in life are very hard to come by.

One of the couples have known him for over 20 years.  They've been friends since before he revealed to the world that he was gay.  Their love for him is unbelievably obvious.  One could easily see that they both have had no problems adjusting to a new facet in their relationship with him.  The easy banter, vociferous jibes, and hearty laughter could melt even the hardest of hearts and in the end, the "human heart" is what is at stake here.  Far too many of us have developed our views on gay America by blindly following cultural norms established by the majority.

The last couple in question spent a large part of the evening appearing aghast at the interactions of others around our table.  One would have to wonder why?  Are these two "bad" people?  No.  Do they live with hardened hearts?  No.  Have they possibly developed beliefs based upon long standing "straight" social norms?  Probably.  Were they threatened by his being gay?  Maybe.  Could they have been scared because they were placed in a situation where something "different" to them was in such close social proximity?  More than likely it was a combination of all of these things.

I've spent the better part of today contemplating the previous night's dinner.  It seems to me that the crux of the issue is whether or not we look at the other passerby's in this life as fellow human beings with all sorts of travails or, do we categorize them into neat little distinctions that make us feel safer while at the same time stifling free thought?  Why do we fear those that are different from us?  Is fear a natural born response or a learned reaction?  All of us need to look within ourselves, open our eyes, ears, and hearts and embrace the "him or her" of those around us and stop distracting ourselves with the question of why they're gay.  For myself, I'm far too busy trying to figure out just who I am and questioning if at the end of the day I've been a good person?  The never-ending personal pursuit of improving my relationship with my fellow man leaves me little time to fret over whether a person is gay.  I'm more interested in knowing if they're a person with commonalities akin to whom I'm trying to be.  Being human is far too strong a thing to be divided into neat little niches for our own self interests.

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