Individualism

I’ve often wondered why I prefer to be alone?  Am I selfish?  Am I an introvert?  Am I socially unacceptable?  It is for others to decide if I’m socially unacceptable or not however; I do know that I’m definitely not an introvert and I don’t see myself as selfish.  So, why the never ending search for solitude?  I guess I’m still trying to define who I am.

Yesterday, I decided to take a quick ski tour before dawn.  The night sky had cleared after several days of stormy conditions.  The trees were blanketed with a heavy covering of wet snow and it seemed like the forest was alive as I skinned uphill.  The load of snow was too heavy for the trees and as the temperature rose above freezing, my ears were greeted with the loud thud of snow sliding off tree branches and slamming onto the ground below.  My mind relaxed and I focused on my ski tips, my respiratory rate, and the pleasing warmth in my legs as I climbed ever higher.  After an hour, I reached the apex of my climb and stopped to remove my skins and prep for my downhill run.

As I sat on my pack, my mind wandered to Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau and the rest of the Transcendentalist Movement from the mid 1800’s.  I’ve long been a fan of this movement’s philosophical ideas.  My life’s endeavors have been centered on my favorite quote from Emerson - “Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist.”  Therein lies my desire to search for my individual self.  One can only truly learn who they are in the quiet calm of solitude.  Unfortunately, in today’s hectic, media packed noisy world, solitude is hard to find.  The best way, to discover new vistas is to leave humanity behind and discover oneself.

After a quick drink and a final equipment check, I swung my pack, tightened my pack straps and listened for the reassuring click of my boots locking into my bindings.  The sun’s rays were now shining through pine tree boughs and their warmth felt fantastic.  I pushed off and it took a mere 4 minutes to reach the point where I’d started my ascent.  Four minutes immersed in the joy of downhill speed and I once again found myself surrounded by the din of car music, people talking, and dogs barking.  Oh well, I’ll just have to spend this next week daydreaming for the moment when I can once again be alone.